I Wish I Was ___, So I Could ____.

Lately I've posted a couple updates on Twitter of hypothetical situations I could picture myself in, like for example, wishing for a certain skill or ability or position so I could achieve grand and noble things by utilizing those skills, abilities, or positions. I realize now just how many of those situations are in my head, and I have to get them out somehow.

I wish I was a psychology professor, because every class meeting would be an "experiment."

I wish I was a musician, so I could frequent karaoke bars and do ironic covers of my own songs.

I wish I was a traffic court judge, so I could "issue the death sentence" for taillight violations.

I wish I was an ordained minister, so I co-- Oh, wait. I AM. (getordained.org) (You're welcome for that totally free advertising, getordained.org.)

I wish I was a pilot, so I could shout, "ABORT," over the loudspeaker system.

I wish I was a car salesman, so I could pack every trunk with a complimentary rabid woodland rodent.

I wish I was a vet so I could somberly tell animal owners that we didn't think their grandmothers were going to make it.

I wish I was an elementary school teacher, os I cuodl tache teh dsylcsexi ikds ohw to read.

I wish I was the person who painted billboards, so I could paint things like, "DID YOU KNOW: Petroleum jelly is great for your hair!"